Okay, my wife thinks I’m just being a cranky bald man on this one (not her words, but the right sentiment), but she’s wrong. (You notice I’m telling you, not her.)
Plus, I had to let this percolate, or simmer, for a couple of days to see if it’s really the way I feel.
It is.
I watched the hockey game Sunday, Canada versus us (or U.S.), and I’m not the biggest hockey fan in the world, and by far not the biggest Olympics fan in the world — I just don’t know how ice dancing is even allowed to exist, never mind be called a “sport” — but it was a pretty good story about the two teams, and my family felt the same way. We had all planned to move our Sunday around to watch.
No, wait, it was more than a pretty good story. It was a great story. It was almost operatic.
And I thought the game was tremendous, although I was also reading for most of it. (Sorry, just can’t do much of hockey. Baseball-football, fine, great, perfect, but hockey, no, basketball, don’t care for it, soccer, no, thanks. As an indication of my indifference, I couldn’t even work up having a drink for it. ‘Nuff said?)
The Canadians were great, and the U.S. not only never gave up, but kept pressing and fighting until they tied it and went into overtime. A really beautiful effort by both sides, especially, I thought, the Americans for battling back. America could have won, too, had a couple of chances, but then the wonderful Canadians found the right combination and took the gold.
They deserved it, they really won well, but a great, great game, and a great, great effort by both.
Until the Americans got their medals, and that’s what this is about. I don’t know about you, but I didn’t see a team of wonderful players anymore, I saw a long line of typical, sullen, spoiled, self-absorbed, American children who couldn’t even get it together to look the officials in the eye when the medal was put on. Most didn’t even look up or over and barely shook hands, or do more than mumble.
My wife said, “Oh, leave them alone, they just lost.” And I thought, maybe she’s right. Maybe it takes a while to decompress after putting so much in.
But now I don’t think so. No, I don’t think so at all. The whole point of sportmanship is to be a good sport. You’re upset you didn’t win? Take that into the locker room. You fought hard? Good. Now get a grip, paint a polite smile on, look people in the eye, say thank you, shake hands.
I know, anyone can say to me, “Well, you’ve never competed at that level or worked that hard at a sport for that long or been that good an athlete,” and that’s certainly true.
All the more reason to suck it up, buck up, grow up, and show some manners.
You know what proved it to me? I suddenly thought: Imagine the same hockey game happening in 1950 instead of 2010. Does anyone — ANYONE — think that even one of those players wouldn’t have been far more polite?
All right, it’s not a big thing, it’s a small thing. Or is it? Maybe there are no small things. Maybe the small things become the big things. Maybe all the small things of life add up to one big thing.
Maybe the small things are the big things.
Too harsh? Too cranky? Too bald? Maybe. Hey, it’s a free country, as we used to say in third grade just before fist fights, and that’s what I think. I think every one of those fellows is probably a terrific guy, but they’ve grown up in a time when no one ever told them differently, when great athletes are coddled from birth, from the time they even look as if they might be great, or even promising.
We don’t hold special kids to any standards. Hell, we don’t hold most kids to any standards.
You know what? It’s not even their fault. That’s right, it’s ours. Who’s supposed to tell them? Us. And I guess most parents and coaches and officials and teachers just let it all go.
Again, big deal, no big deal; I don’t know.
Yes, I do. They were ill-mannered and loutish, and I hope they all realize that all the work that goes into something means nothing if the way you do it is weak.
Maybe the U.S. will be back in four years for the gold medal. Maybe the same players will be back, too.
Maybe they’ll have learned some manners.
REMEMBER: IF YOU WALKED OUT OF BED TODAY AND KNEW HOW TO SMILE AT STRANGERS EVEN IF YOU’D JUST LOST A JOB… FOLKS, THE GAME’S IN OVERTIME, AND YOU JUST WON THE GOLD.
ShareThis
Gotta agree with you, Larry. Maybe I\’m also getting old and cranky (thankfully not bald), but I notice incivility more these days, whether on the road or in the aisle at the grocery store or at the YMCA or at a movie theater. I try to teach my kids that they should always consider others in everything they do. The purpose of manners and etiquette is to avoid making others feel uncomfortable and to avoid spreading unhappiness. Winning a silver medal in the Olympics should be a cause for great joy, as should winning the AFC championship even if you miss out at the Super Bowl, etc.
Amen, Brother. I am one of your aforementioned teachers (high school, Larry, high school) and I do NOT let it go but there are days I feel like I’m swimming against the tide. Harvey Mackay says, “Little things don’t mean a lot. They mean everything.” We old schoolers have got to stick together.
Hi Larry…I did not see that medal ceremony, but I am sad to hear that our athletes were ungracious. Spoiled Rotten American, indeed. My favorite part of the Olympics is raising the American flag for the gold, although now I am muttering “take your hat off, put your hand over your heart.” I was secretly thrilled for the Canadians since it meant so much to them.
Right??!! I couldn’t agree with you more, Mr. Miller, about the way our hockey players reacted at the medal ceremony. And you know what? You are also correct that it is up to us to teach the young people. Perhaps there are not a lot of parents or teachers or elders or mentors out there doing it, but we can’t give up. When did politeness become “uncool”? Of course if someone never learned politeness I guess they would not even be able to deem it “cool” or “uncool”. I hope that someone has forwarded your blog to our hockey team and I hope they read it and I hope that it does not upset them, but they learn it, let it sink in, and then politely say, “Thank you Mr. Miller.”
Mr. Miller:
I didn’t see the hockey ceremony, so I can’t help you with that.
I will say, however, that my daughter is a serious tennis player down here in the sunshine state – a serious tennis state. She plays many tournaments all over the state against girls (mostly 12 and under) from all over the country.
And the vast majority of the time, the sportsmanship is first rate. I’d guess at least 99 percent of the time the girls couldn’t be any better sports about both winning and losing. And in tennis there is a lot of losing. Sixty-four girls enter a big tournament and sixty-three of them are going home having lost their last match.
The sportsmanship of the parents is, shall we say, not quite as impressive. I rate it around 90 percent.
There is one girl who plays around our city quite a bit who, on a regular basis, has to ask her mother to please be quiet during a match. And I’ve heard her apologize to her opponents, “sorry about my mom – she’s just like that.” Her mother sits in the stands openly criticizing twelve year old girls! Sometimes other parents have to tell her to shut up.
I understand your boys are serious baseball players, so you must be familiar with the syndrome.
Let us be thankful that the children are better than the parents, and let us hope they will carry that over to the time when THEY become the parents.
Steven S.
Dear Larry,
I know for a fact that you live by a very high standard of manners, that we all should live up to. And I didn’t see the hockey game at all.
But I did see Evan Lysacek, our gold medal figure skater, in an interview. He had been publicly bad-mouthed by the Russian silver medalist. When questioned about it, Evan never once said anything bad about the Russian, in spite of it all. He was very diplomatic and understanding and pleasant. I was very proud of him.
Several nights later, I saw Apolo Ohno on Jay Leno. Apolo had been incorrectly disqualified in one of the races and had missed out on a medal for that race. He never complained for a second about what had occurred, even though Jay tried to egg him on about it. He was very upbeat and positive and never bad-mouthed the ref for the miscall. I was very proud of him as well.
In other words some of our athletes were quite impressive!!
Yet still, you are of course, correct. Manners could use improvement everywhere!! Maybe you could write a humorous book on it. I would buy it. XO
Well put, Larry.
Yeah, I think it’s a “big deal” too.
“Canary in the coal mine” sort of thing.
But don’t give up. It COULD be worse.
Ralph
Sportsmanship is everything. When I was a youth soccer coach my motto was “as long as you play your best then no matter what the final score is we will have won” My kids parents loved it and I think the kids did too. Even after 2 losing seasons I had parents requesting their kids be put back on my team and I think that was part of the reason why. The third year we only lost 1 game, it was a great feeling.
Last night our University’s Women’s D-II basketball team won the big tourney, they are now off to regionals. During this tourney they had to beat the #1 seeded team who is also ranked 14th Nationally. This was a huge deal for all of us, these are amazing girls and a wonderful team that has worked so hard to get to this place. Well the men’s team did not fair as well and lost in the second round, though they had all ready earned a spot in regionals. At last nights game there were only 3 guys from our boy’s team there to cheer on the women’s team, mind you this tourney was being held at home for us. The 3 that were there are either boyfriends or siblings of the girls players. Are you kidding me! Half of the football team showed up to cheer the girls on, this was a huge deal for our school and for the community, but yet the men’s team was a no show. I thought this was completely disrespectful, as did most of the other fans that were there. Just because they lost doesn’t mean they shouldn’t man up and come out to support their other teammates… and the girls noticed… I think this is unsportsmanship to the fullest… Get over yourselfs, put on a happy face and show your support. It is in the end a game and I think how they react to this situations shows a lot about their character as a person. I was totally disappointed in the boys team..
I had thought of the same thing, myself, Larry, but I have to disagree somewhat.
Yes, they did just lose – *and* they were not merely tired and disappointed – they were exhausted, without the exhilaration of a huge victory (& let’s face it, the pressure was immense), to lift them up. Our goalie was sweating so hard that he looked like a bucket had been dumped on him – and yet there was a reporter, shoving a microphone into his face. If you want lack of manners, lets go there (like every time Julia Mancuso teared up, there was a camera right in hers!)! And did our goalie whine about losing? Not one word! Our guys were polite to the other players – shaking hands, every single one. Every other athlete you see at a medals ceremony has had some time to let it all sink in. These guys had 2 minutes at best. And the other thing is that by the *next* time anyone saw them, they were all smiles and humility – grateful for their silver medals. I cut them some slack – you’ll just have to condemn me, too.
Too cranky? Too bald? Impossible! And yes, the “small stuff” we are told not to sweat really is the “big stuff.”
Aside: Watched “10 Things I Hate About You” (the movie) for the first time last night. I know – 11 years later – but teen angst is not usually my cup of tea. I will say, given only a cameo appearance, you still stole the show. Bald and cranky is where it’s at, baby! (Although the Best in Show “gouge your eyes out with my thumb” monologue is still the tops.)
You are a wonderful human being. Keep up the good work.
Larry,
Heard you guest hosting the Adam Carolla podcast today, and you recommended the “10 minute” rule for limiting staying angry to only 10 minutes (vs. percolate/simmer for two days).
Anyway, please clear up what town you actually were in when you visited the SFBMorse Museum.
[At minute 5:18 of the AC podcast, Larry Miller said he went to the Samuel F.B.Morse Museum (Morse code inventor).
He said it was in Missouri, but Morse was always an East Coast guy?]
Larry to Larry,
Sorry,I must be in the wrong place.Bald?Yes.Cranky?Probably.Insightful?Doubtful.Funny?Hardly.Are you going to read the mostly sports related replies?Why…….If I go to Hollywood now,I can\’t even use my real name.At least it seems that you can read and write,that\’s something isn\’t it?
Hey Mr. Miller,
I want to say your work on the podcast yesterday was great. you killed it, I know your married and busy and podcasting costs a lot of time and money but without question you’d have a following in no time.
Now in response to your last entry, I’d like to give you my two bits. As a professional athlete who’s won both gold and silver in more than a few championships, I can’t really describe the feeling of joy and despair that comes with it. Its true, second place is first loser and it sticks with you for years. It goes way beyond yourself; depending on the event, a person will feel as though they let thousands or millions of people down. thats a huge bourdon to bare. And when your wearing your flag on your chest, and losing after four years of anticipation and training, well, you’d have to be a robot not to be shaken up. High caliber athletes will tell you they remember their failures much clearer than their big wins.
Anyways i know your a busy man, so I’ll disprove my point for you and say that the greatest athlete of all time in my respective sport was the most gracious loser one can imagine (although he didn’t lose very often.) And I’m canadian so I don’t know why I’m defending American athletes. Anyways be good.
p.s. on a lighter note, looking back Necessary Roughness was a big part of childhood for my brother and I.