First of all, tonight is the benefit for Bryan “Bald Bryan” Bishop here in town at the Wilshire Ebell Theater, and it’s sold out, and even though most all of you are probably all around the country, thanks. Brian was the SERIOUSLY funny sound bites and effects producer for Adam Carolla’s radio show, and made me laugh so often. I was on that show twenty or thirty times, and really grew to care about everyone there, and Bryan really used to make me laugh. He got very sick (inoperable brain tumor) out of thin air ten months ago, and I saw him the other day at Adam’s podcast with his wife; he said he’s getting better, and I hope and pray he is.

I’ll let you know, but it’s a pretty good show tonight, Adam, Jimmy Kimmel, me, a few other folks, some really good bands, like Bad Religion, and Adam said they’re going to make a CD and give the dough to Bryan, so, well, you know, I’ll link to it when it comes out, and some of you may want one.

SO, BACK TO THE IMPORTANT COMEDY OF THE DAY:

Lots of you had good comments about how bad food has been getting, and I have a feeling this will be a life-long topic for all of us.

That comment about Coke is interesting, and here’s why. Here in L.A. you there are a couple of places you can get Mexican Coke, which is made with cane sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup (HFCS).

By the way, it still makes me laugh that the phrase “Mexican Coke” sounds like a clever euphomism for something else. You know, like you have to say it with a wink. Not a drug thing, not an illegal thing, just something I haven’t figured out yet. More on the order of, “Do you find my wife attractive? Perhaps we can all share a large bottle of Mexican Coke.” (I still don’t even know what that means, and that sentence actually horrified me halfway through it, but what the heck.)

Here’s the thing, though, and this is no kidding. The kids and I take our Coke very seriously. We love Coke, hate Pepsi (Sorry, guys, Diet Pepsi, fantastic, all the other products, terrific, I hope you make a million dollars a day and hire a million people a day and live forever, but Pepsi versus Coke? Please. That’s like the St. Agnes little league versus the Yankees. AND BY THE WAY: The new Yankee Stadium only serves Pepsi which made me so mad I almost switched right then and there to Fenway in my heart, WHICH STILL SERVES COKE. GOD. But never mind that now.)

So the kids and I used to find the places that sold Mexican Coke and compare it with American Coke with HFCS, and for a while we liked the Mexican Coke better. I used to have to push the thought out of my head that it’s a near certainty that Mexican Coke is made with Mexican water (makes sense, doesn’t it?), and that Mexican water has roughly the same reputation as Mexican law enforcement, but we like it better.

We did a number of tries back and forth, and liked it better. Then, though, we kind of changed, and now, we’re back into American Coke, which, I know, has the stupid corn syrup that probably has a half-life like plutonium and will be somewhere in the linings of our bowels as long as those plastic breasts last in women, or the United States wins a world cup, both of which will take millions of years anyway.

Here’s the bottom line for now with Coke for us: When we want a soda, and it’s not that often, we want Coke, and that’s that. We want it cold, we want it in a big glass filled with ice, we want refills, and whether it’s Mexican, American, Canadian or Neptunian, we will smack our lips and love it. And every so often when there’s only another brand available, we will NEVER drink the others, because they just stink.

Last weekend when I was working in New York (see: Taboo) and went for a late breakfast one day because I was up rather late the night before, I decided at the breakfast that I could use the kind of blood-cleansing, alcohol de-toxing that only a cold Coke can provide, and when the nice waitress asked me if Pepsi was okay, I almost weeped and said, “No, thank you. It’s not okay. You know what I mean?” And she laughed and said, “You know what? Yeah, I do.”

On the walk back to the hotel, I stopped in at a corner joint and picked up a can of Coke, and that was that.

As someone wrote, it really perked my ears up to hear about the Passover Coke thing with cane sugar, and I can’t wait. No kidding. If it’s good, I’m going to get cases of it. How long does Coke last, anyway?

Funny if Passover Coke turns out to be the best. “Go down… Moses… Way down to Egypt land. Tell old… Pharoah… Let my people… drink Coke and never Pepsi ’cause it stinks… even if you have good tickets for the Yankees it’ll almost ruin the game…”

Hey, you write your spirituals, and I’ll write mine.

REMEMBER: IF YOU WALKED OUT OF BED TODAY AND DIDN’T HAVE ANY REMNANTS FROM LAST NIGHT’S “MEXICAN COKE” (WINK-WINK, HEH-HEH)… FOLKS, THE YANKEE GAME’S OVER, AND YOU CAN STILL BY A COKE NEAR THE STADIUM.